E​.​S​.​C​.​A​.​P​.​E.

by Tarby

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about

This album was my first serious attempt at an independent release. Based around themes of escapism and trials/challenges, it reflects a lot of things present in my life at the time of writing this. It was delayed for a while due to equipment issues and my move from Warwick, Rhode Island to Seattle, Washington. It was all done on my laptop, and all done by me (excluding the mastering of Rejected, done by Lavender Harmony, a guitar track in Born Cross Eyed performed by HeyLasFas, and the music and lyrics of Sunspots, done by Trent Reznor/Nine Inch Nails) (license obtained through Limelight).

This was a lot of fun, guys. Truly. I hope you enjoy it, 'cause i'd like to think it has a little bit of everything for everyone.

Special thanks to HeyLasFas, Cyril Lyric, Poni1Kenobi, Mic The Microphone, Lavender Harmony, Omnipony, EHT, Ryan Brown, Trent Reznor, Devin Townsend, my family, and everyone else who was somehow involved in the production of this album, either as inspiration or direct assistance.

credits

released 11 November 2012
Music, Vocals, Lyrics, Guitar, Bass, Programming, Mixing and Engineering - Tarby
Music and Lyrics for "Sunspots" - Trent Reznor
Mastering on Rejected - Lavender Harmony
Production and Guitar on Born Cross-Eyed - HeyLasFas
Album Art - MetalDeerSolid

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about

Tarby Portland, Oregon

Main Bandcamp for Tarby, Julian Rosewood, and anything else done by me. Progressive Rock, Industrial, ambient, alternative, etc etc. Essentially whatever strikes my fancy.

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Track Name: Rejected
Smile wide for all the ones who
Stuck around to watch you fall
Hold your breath, Time to dive in
Solve your problems once and for all
In a flash you hit the water
Try to gasp, but there’s no air to find
Keep it in, Just like your anguish
Hope to god you find it time

So take the hit, and smile away
Know it's all better than it was yesterday
And when they ask for you to stay
So bite the bullet, take it all, and even if it tastes infected
Smile for the ones who want you, just so you don't get rejected

On a leash, like an animal you're coming to them
For a treat that you know you'll never get
Try to speak, but the muzzle in your mouth prevents you
So you weep, brimming over with regret
Sold your soul for a taste of the monotony that
Everyone you know holds in high regard
Now abuse is the one thing that you know for certain
Hear the whip, feel the sting, bite the bars now!

Wipe your tears, you can't let them see you acting this way
Like a baby, like a bitch, and like a kid
Poker face, join the race, but don't you plan on winning
Not like they care about anything you did
Take your place at the starting line, but don't get ready
There's no point when you know you'll never win
Take a breath, nothing left but violence and oppression
Governed by the united states of sin

So take the hit, and smile away
Know it's all better than it was yesterday
And when they ask for you to stay
So bite the bullet, take it all, and even if it tastes infected
Smile for the ones who want you, just so you don't get rejected

So take the hit, and smile away
Know it's all better than it was yesterday
And when they ask for you to stay
So bite the bullet, take it all, and even if it tastes infected
Smile for the ones who want you, just so you don't get rejected
Track Name: Escape
Waking up from fantasy beyond the reach of men
Trust me, I’m the only one who’ll help you back again
Or help yourself to misery, just open up your eyes
And take in all the tragic sights which you can’t help but despise

A lucky break that you can’t fake, so take the needle deep again.
In loving care, you wouldn’t dare, so set ablaze the the now and then
Reality is killing me, so let me give you all my pain!
So much at stake, you can’t escape, when all I’ve done has been in vain!

I can't make it clear without you
I don't know what I'm s'possed to do
I've had my tragedy or two
I can't escape here without you
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, Escape!
Insane, The pain, The Vein, Escape
Inside, defied, I lied, no trace
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, escape!

Ineffective everything, i've yet to find a cure
I'm positive for anything, but now I'm not so sure
Once upon a time I said my home is on the edge
But now the razor's sharpened, and It's splitting hairs instead

In it's own way, I've yet to pay, for all the sins that I've been through
So dive right in, make my head spin, there's not much else that I can do
Escape the fate or concentrate - it's not an easy choice, for sure
But in this state, i love and hate, i'm not sure what's real anymore!

I can't make it clear without you
I don't know what I'm s'possed to do
I'm had a tragedy or two
I can't escape here without you
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, Escape!
Insane, The pain, The Vein, Escape
Inside, defied, I lied, no trace
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, escape!

Silently the winds will come
Angels with the swords all drawn
Slay the dragon, laid to rest
We all tried our very best
But the demons knew our game
Beat the salt and holy rain
Kept their tabs until we croaked
Each of us some twisted joke
So like cattle we can crawl
All for one, but none for all
Tunnel vision at our best
Images we all detest
But we'll fall again in time
Sure as any rap or rhyme
Watch the clock, we'll be there soon
Some time in the afternoon

(I can't escape here without you)
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, Escape!
Insane, The pain, The Vein, Escape
Inside, defied, I lied, no trace
Defaced, Erased, Replaced, escape!
Track Name: Advantages
Sometimes it feels like I’m always waiting
For something else to go wrong
My mind is constantly demonstrating
Just how badly I’m far gone
I wish that something would just go my way
A wish that goes unfulfilled
Without a family, stuck here flightless
For something more, I’d have killed
Depressing, Repressing, while life just keeps on testing
Forever, and ever, and ever, just forget it!

Hey! Nobody understands just how it is to truly feel alone
Nothing to live for, and nothing to die for, nothing that I can call a home.

It seems I’m stuck at a disadvantage
That’s lasted for over a year
Whenever anything happy happens
I kill it while waiting in fear
I know that something around the corner
Is going to tear down my high
At this point why should I even bother?
I can’t think of one reason why I should try.
It’s stupid, it’s crazy, these fuckers call me lazy
Just be me, and you’ll see, try to fight it can’t ignite it!

Hey! Nobody understands just how it is to truly feel alone
Nothing to live for, and nothing to die for, nothing that I can call a home.

Why can't I fly? Why can't I take to the sky when I wanna get away?
What can I do? What good can I be? Who even cares for me anyway?

Hey! Nobody understands just how it is to truly feel alone
Nothing to live for, and nothing to die for, nothing that I can call a home.
Nobody understands just how it is to truly feel alone
Nothing to live for, and nothing to die for, nothing that I can call a home.
Track Name: Sunspots
Sunspots cast a glare in my eyes
Sometimes I forget I'm alive
I feel it coming and I've got to get out of its way
I hear it calling and I come cause I can't disobey
I should not listen and I shouldn't believe
But I do
Yes I do

She turns me on
She makes me real
I have to apologize
For the way I feel

My life, it seems has taken a turn
Why in the name of god would I ever want to return?
Peel off our skin we're gonna burn what we were to the ground
Fuck in the fire and we'll spread all the ashes around
I wanna kill away the rest of what's left and I do
Yes I do

She turns me on
She makes me real
I have to apologize
For the way I feel
And nothing can stop me now
There is nothing to fear
And everything I'd ever want
Is inside of here

Now I just stare into the sun
And I see everything I've done
I think I could have been someone
But I can't stop what has begun
When everything is said and done
And there is no place left to run
I think I used to be someone
Now I just stare into the sun
Track Name: Petrified
Kill the lights, it’s time to hide, to hold your breath and stay inside
Close the blinds and settle down, then wallow in your tears and drown
Blinded though you still can see, cursed by mediocrity
Shutting off, afraid they know; All hooked up, with nowhere to go

Defiance, reliance, stand in the shadows of the ones who fed you, who bled you; cry but do not make a sound, you don’t want them around; so silent, so violent.

Take it in and hide the night, and know there is no end in sight
Cower there until the dawn, and pray to hell they’re fucking gone
So give it up for the fatal dreams, the butchured thoughts and the violent screams
Sit and stare as they go to town, and wait with me for the big come down

Defiance, reliance, stand in the shadows of the ones who fed you, who bled you; cry but do not make a sound, you don’t want them around; so silent, so violent.

Defiance, reliance, stand in the shadows of the ones who fed you, who bled you; cry but do not make a sound, you don’t want them around; so silent, so violent.
Track Name: Crystalline
Under the shadows the cold
There’s no such thing as growing old
A form of slavery it seems
I wish it only just a dream
But here we are, under arrest
For nothing more than we exist
It seems our heart has gone astray
And so we’ll all just fade away
So help us out and hear our call
And let us remember it all
All the pleasure, all the pain
All the torture; all the same
And though it seems the end is near
We’ll try our hardest not to fear
Though you may take our crystal heart
Please don’t break us all apart

Though you may take our crystal heart
Please don’t break us all apart
And though our final days have come
And when it seems that you have won
Though you may take our crystal heart
Please don’t break us all apart
Track Name: Sentimental
I find myself thinking back to the times
When everything just seemed so simple, all ignorant bliss
When social interaction just sucked something fine
And the worst things were the first things that you couldn’t kiss
When thinking was simple, when nothing was evil
When everything went on its own merry way
The conventional means that we’ve learned through the years
Did us fine by the end of those meaningless days.

Taking a step back I can picture all the little things
That pleased me as a child, but the memories fade
The times are getting dark, I find it hard to get a spark
My fire’s getting weaker; reminiscence, a blade.
And if I stop to think, I realize I’m on the brink
Of something unbelievably intense and insane
I’m running to the other side, my family calls it suicide
I’m leaving though I know my life could go down the drain!

I miss the days when all was fine
We’d walk the streets to our own time
Still now those times are said and done
Now we’re left running from the sun

Delightful memories; cascading anniversaries
all lasting but a moment but remain in my mind
In the end it seems I’ve failed to see that though all the monotony
I’ve walked away with nothing, leaving me in a bind
And the sentimental values count for nothing in the long-run
If you’re looks ain’t up to snuff within the media’s eye
You can buy yourself a face, but lose your soul to join the race
It’s getting hard to keep the pace, you can’t erase, you can’t escape it, no!

I miss the days when all was fine
We’d walk the streets to our own time
But now reality has shown
That in the end, we haven’t grown
And now those times are said and done
It seems the worst has just begun
Those days, they used to be so fun
Now we’re left running from the sun
Track Name: Born Cross-Eyed
Job at 6, woke up at seven
Brush your hair, take to the heavens
Stressed enough, they're giving bullshit
Had enough, Don't wanna do it
But with luck, you're gonna make it
Through the day, just gotta fake it
Smile and nod, comments aplenty
View the clock, just seven twenty
Laughter drifts in from the distance
Shake your head, can't tell the difference
Is it you they find amusing?
Suck it up - they'll keep abusing

Half past eight, time to deliver
Cross the road, head to the river
Trip and fall, drenched and discarded
Just 'cause they say you're retarded
Brushing off, sun's getting hidden
Overcast - feeling forbidden
Starts to rain, figures you're out there
Such a pain, no help - they don't care
Run down home, job that you're stuck with
Feeding then choking on life's pith
Cough it up, No time to reason
Here you are, stuck in a season
Cold and damp, no light is coming
Stick around - no point in running
Close your eyes, taking in this moment
Close your eyes, let it slip away

Can you see the world like I do?
Can you Smile away the pain
Can you feel the wind blowing cold
Can you smell the coming rain

Heaven sent, born with affliction
Mom and dad wrought with addiction
No remorse, they all deserved it
Fallen down, till fate had served it
Shed a tear, brush it away, then
Look ahead, end of the day, it's
Time to move, time now to focus
Tripped again - nobody noticed
Shake it off, brushing yourself down
Spread your wings, time to go downtown
One more route, then you'll be free to
Start again, be who you'll be, yeah

Hear the taunts, always parading
Down the street, never evading
Bow your head, feel unworthy
Never could see what they all see
Close your bag, nothing is in there
like your head - you're going nowhere
Dead end job got out of pity
deep inside, still feel shitty
One o'clock, worktime is ending
Heading home, no more defending
Afternoon spent in your bedroom
Insecure from all you assume
All your life, no life was coming
Still you feel no point in running
Close your eyes, make this your moment
Close your eyes, let it slip away

Can you see the world like I do?
Can you be all that you can?
Can you feel the chilling winter?
Can you say "That's who I am"?

It's all inside
These feelings I try to hide
Giving up just isn't a choice
I've got to find myself, i need to find my voice.

Can you see the world like I do?
Can you be all that you can?
Can you feel the chilling winter's air?
Can you say "That's who I am"?

(choir "Hey ya, hey ya hey ya, hey ya hey ya, hey ya hey" x3, then:
You can make it if you try, you can always touch the sky, Even when they make you cry, you can always touch the sky)

Life is getting better, every day I make my rounds
Smile at the ghosties, as i make it through the town
Feel the weight is lifting as the sun is going down
You can make it if you try, you can always touch the sky
Even if they make you cry, you can always touch the sky

Changing situations, and a shift in daily pace
Things are getting better, no more fears i need to chase
Knowing they're accepting, even though they could erase
You can make it if you try, you can always touch the sky
Even if they make you cry, you can always touch the sky

Now the sun is setting, and I feel my time is through
Though the weight has lifted, there is little I can do
So i'll just accept it, and I hope that you will, too
You can make it if you try, you can always touch the sky
Even if they make you cry, you can always touch the sky...
Track Name: Taste The Rainbow
There's something happening to me, it's never hit like this before
Whenever i get close to you, I crave for more
It's not the way you look at me, it's not the fire in your eyes
But something happens when you're near, a feeling I cannot describe

I think this town's getting to me
(my closest friends are all insane)
Acting so blind though I still see
(just need a chance to ease the pain)
The pressure builds, my senses flare
And I will strive to get away
And god forbid you ever see
I'm sure that I would rue that day

Intensity overcomes me
It's like a fire at my core
And as she flies, I'll stem the tide
But I can't help from wanting more

I dream about you every night, more frequently as time moves on
I'll panic in your presence, frantic hoping i did nothing wrong
What's happening to me? why couldn't it be someone else
God knows what everyone would say; i daren't ask for any help.

I close my eyes and fantasize
(Desperately wanting her to stay)
Can almost taste you on my lips
(You're left to wait another day)
And when we meet, I'd love to speak
(but I don't know what I could say)
So I'll sit in my own embrace
(and let the whole world melt away)

Intensity overcomes me
It's like a fire at my core
And as she flies, I'll stem the tide
But I can't help from wanting more

Just give me a little time
To rest my head, to break a sweat
Ten minutes, I'll be fine
Just give me time, and I'll be set

Can you feel it?
Feel it rising?
Feel it in you?
Can you feel it?
Feel it rising?
Feel it in you?
Taste the rainbow